five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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