So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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