There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
