I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
