Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
