why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
