If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
