You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
