Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
