i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ladies don't puke and tell
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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