Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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