STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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