in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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