um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
