You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize