i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
