i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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