If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
