Christians are straight up FREAKS
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
