matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
