Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
