omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
