WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
