Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
