I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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