My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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