12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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