you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
