Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
True strength comes from lack of pants
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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