You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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