Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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