I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
