everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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