Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
