just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
