I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
