you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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