that's an acceptable place to lick
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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