I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
