Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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