Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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