Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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