I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
