Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
