can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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