The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
