Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
