Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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