Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How's work?
Spinning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
