Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months