and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course