In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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