I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
