hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
