Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
