The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
