Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
