I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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