is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
