:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
