I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
