She said her name was "party"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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