I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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